Almost Like The Mafia
by TheBucketWoman
Summary: All the need, coupled with his thing for illegal activities, became too much for me. And now I was half about to jump back into the mess. Jay had only recently given up on stalking me by cell phone; giving him false hope about us would be mean.
1. Chapter 1

Almost Like the Mafia

by TheBucketWoman

Disclaimer: I do not own _Degrassi_, its characters or any of the multiple references I make herein.

Chapter One

I let my phone battery die, so I had to leave it in our room that morning. It only takes a couple of hours to charge so I figured I could come back and get it on the way to lunch. The only thing is that my phone is very important to me. It's like my arm. I felt its absence the whole damn time. I even reached into my jacket pocket and had a moment of panic when it wasn't there. I did this even though I knew that it was on the dresser. Emma laughed.

So she went with me back to the dorm to get it and so that Em could drop her books off and stuff and I grabbed it.

"At last, my right hand is complete again," Emma quoted as I picked it up.

"Shut up," I said. I turned it on and found a voicemail. Usually my parents are the only ones who bother with voicemail, so I listened to it right away, thinking it was important. They never called in the middle of the day.

It wasn't them. It was Toronto General Hospital. _There's_ a call you want to get. For a second I thought of my parents again. I had just enough time to think _I'm an orphan and I am going to throw up on this floor and not be able to afford to pay to clean the rug,_ before the voice on the recording said that I was on the contact list for Jason Hogart, who had just been admitted.

My first thought was, _Okay, not the parents, Thank you, God. I promise I'll go to church more often and curse less._ Then the fact that it was _Jay_ kicked in and I felt sick all over again.

"What is it?" Emma asked. Her eyes were all big. Or big_ger_ anyway.

"Jay," I said. I sat down on Liberty's bed and before I knew it, Emma was wrestling Liberty's pillow out of my arms. Something about the smell of her hair products was comforting, and she'd probably forgive me for getting mascara on it eventually.

"Is he dead?" Emma asked.

That's when the bawling started and I couldn't say anything that she could understand. Emma cried with me, but she still had it together enough to listen to the voicemail for herself and check the time of the first call, which she told me later had been four o'clock that morning.

_Eight hours ago_, I thought. _I am the worst person in the world. _

I ran into out of our room, into the bathroom, and hid in a stall. I could've been there with him by now. Then I realized that he could even be dead already. Could happen. I didn't even know what had happened to him, or how badly he was hurt. For all I knew they could've been waiting for my okay to pull the plug.

"Manny, they are _not_ going to pull the plug!" Emma said. "Now open the door!"

"I said that out loud?" I asked.

"Very loud," Emma said.

"Who's pulling the plug?" some girl asked. "What plug?"

Emma must have given her a look because she said, "Okay bye," and left.

"Didn't even wash her hands," Emma said. "Ew? So come out of there. We'll get to the bottom of this."

I really didn't know how we would, but Emma was doing a really good Archie Simpson impression and I wanted to believe that she knew what to do, so I opened the door and we went back to our room.

We called the hospital and they told us pretty much nothing we could use, except that he was definitely still alive and "in stable condition," but "under observation." They couldn't tell me what he was under observation _for_. I really needed to watch more _Grey's _'cause I knew what none of that meant_._

It took ten or fifteen minutes for Liberty to show up. Emma texted her. She might have snuck out of her World History class a few minutes early, something that meant that I really owed her one. Liberty's job was to stop me from packing because I wasn't really listening to Emma anymore. She thought that Liberty would be a more commanding presence, somehow.

"Put the suitcase down, Manny," she said.

"I was _going_ to," I said. After all, you had to put the suitcase down to put your stuff into it, didn't you?

"I meant, back in the closet," Liberty said. "We gotta think about this."

"What's there to think about?" I asked. "I'm still on his call list. Do you know why? Because he has no one else. Which means he has _no one_, and he can't have no one. I can't even begin to guess where his Dad is. And the hospital won't tell me shit, so I gotta go to Toronto."

"Spinner," Liberty said.

"Oh my gosh, Spinner!" Emma said. She bounced like she'd just won the lottery. Okay, it actually made sense to call him. Spinner might just be Jay's only noncriminal friend, outside of his boss. I wondered why they didn't call his boss, actually. _Or _Spinner. Why _me_? Why didn't he change it? Emma went into her desk and pulled out her address book. Emma has an address book. _Outside_ of her phone. She's the only person I know who has one.

"Spin!" she said when he picked up. "It's Emma..._Nelson_, you ass. Don't even pretend like you don't know me...I don't care if I woke you up. It's _noon_ first of all, and this is an emergency!"

This is one of the many reasons that I love her. She can be scary when she really wants to be.

"Glad I got your attention," she said, sweetness and light again. "It's about Jay. Did you hear anything about—No...I...Manny just got a call. From the _hospital_. She's on his In Case of Emergency List. They won't tell us anything and you know how long it'll take us to get there...Okay, here she is." She handed me the phone.

"Stay there," Spinner said.

"I'm not gonna stay—"

"Yeah, you are," he said. "You don't need to go missing your classes. I got this."

"If you think I give a shit about any of my classes right now," I said. "I need to get over there and see for myself that he's okay and make sure that he didn't get drunk and wrap his Civic around a bus full of nuns or something."

There was the sound of Spinner choking and spitting.

"Manny," Spinner said. "A bus full of _nuns_?"

"Well—"

"If it was something really bad like that it would have been on the news," he said.

"Well I haven't seen the news yet, have _you_?" I asked.

"My mom would've nudged me for that, I'm pretty sure," he said. "So listen. I'm just gonna go over there. Toronto General, right?"

"Will they let you in?" I asked.

"He's Jay's brother," Emma said. He heard her.

"Yep," he said. "I'm Jay's brother. Listen to Emma."

"You look nothing alike," I said.

"Have you seen Kendra?" he said.

"Not for years," I said. His little sister Kendra was in boarding school someplace. Full scholarship. _He_ sees her maybe twice a year.

"Well, I don't look like _her _either," he said. He had a point. She was adopted, and Korean.

Then he had a brainstorm. "And if they don't believe me, I can come clean and tell them that I'm his boyfriend. Maybe squeeze out some tears."

"Spin—" I said. He was just being an asshole now.

"I'll get in," he said. "Now go to class. I'll call you in an hour or two."

"Okay," I said. He could call me. From the road. Well, okay. I didn't have a car. But you can get a pretty good cell signal from the train.

"Manny, you can't leave yet," Liberty said. At least it had progressed from "You can't leave" to "You can't leave _yet_."

"Why not?"

"You have to talk to your professors," she said. "Make some kind of arrangements so you don't miss stuff."

"How many of _your _professors take attendance, Lib?" I asked. The one in the class we had together sure as hell didn't.

"What about Acting?" Emma asked.

"Don't have it till Monday," I said. This was Wednesday. "I'll be back by then."

"What if you're not?"

"I will be."

I ran into Kelly in the hall. Apparently Emma tried to get hold of him, too, though I don't know what she thought he'd do.

"Thank God," Emma said from behind me.

"I don't have any money," Kelly said.

"I know you don't," Emma said. "I just need you to block that door."

He did what he was told. "Why am I blocking the door? Where are you going, Manny?"

"I gotta go home for a couple days," I said. "It's an emergency."

"To Toronto?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said. "Can I get a ride to the train, actually?"

He handed me his car keys.

"Do _not_ let her drive your car," Emma said. "You'll never see it in one piece again."

"Thanks Emma," I said. You take out a couple newspaper dispensers _one time_ and suddenly you're Evel Knievel. I swore to myself that I'd remember that next time she wanted anything.

He stared at me for a second. "Okay," he said. "_I'll_ drive."

"Really?" I asked. I didn't think he knew what he was getting into. It was a few hours' worth of driving both ways.

"In that case, I'm coming with," Emma said.

Liberty danced from one foot to the other. Then she shut her eyes tight. "Okay, me too."

"Road trip!" Kelly said.

I couldn't do it to Liberty. She'd break out into hives if she missed more than one class. And, I told myself, Jay wasn't worth it. Even though _I'd_ probably be missing several classes for him. "We need someone to take notes in Comp."

"Are you sure?" she asked, relieved. That she was willing to ditch for us was enough for me to squeeze her till her eyes popped. Which I did.

Once we got into the car, Kelly wanted details. I tried to explain Jay to him. Emma..._helped, _and by helped I mean she brought up all kinds of stuff that I'm sure Kelly could have lived a long fulfilling life without knowing.

"Wait," Kelly said, eyes on the road. "So he caused a mini clap outbreak, and you were about to _marry_ him."

"Oh I'm sure he was cured by the time he proposed," Emma said.

"Emma!"

"I'm kidding," Emma said. "The clap thing was years ago." She conveniently left out that _she _would know _exactly_ how long it took to cure the clap and that Jay was the one who'd provided her with that experience.

"He also helped save your ex-boyfriend's ass and got him a job, in case you don't remember," I told her.

"The one in the army?" Kelly asked.

"Sean," Emma said. "Yeah."

"Yep," I said. "So Jay had his good points. Or _has_ his good points."

"Uh-huh," Kelly said.

"And I'm the one who made him fill out that card in his wallet with the emergency contact info," I said.

"So I feel a little responsible. And anyway, I need to make sure that he wasn't shot by a liquor store clerk in the middle of a robbery or something."

"Who _is_ this guy?" Kelly asked.

"It's a long story, kay?" I said. And I turned on the radio to give him the hint that it was a story for another day, like February. The 30th.

I tried to put my head back and listen to the music so that I didn't have to think about anything until we started to get close, but Kelly was a fan of the classic rock station. It was hard not to think about Jay Hogart when Guns N Roses was playing. Metallica was even worse. After Pearl Jam, I made him change the station. I have to look it up, but I might be the only person to burst into tears in the middle of "Even Flow." I guess I should be happy that it wasn't "Better Man." Or "Last Kiss."

But Guns N Roses was the worst. I could practically hear Jay singing along. He had the wrong voice for it, too clean, too much like a choirboy. It wasn't a voice that you expected to come out of him and he hated it. It was so much fun to tease him about it. Also he did the Axl Rose dance, the one where you swivel the entire upper half of your body like a snake. _That_ he was good at, and wasn't afraid to show off.

But I was really trying not to think about stuff like that because I just didn't know what to expect when I actually got to the hospital. He could be dying. Or he could be about to be arrested for driving drunk. I didn't even know whether it was a car accident or what. And the thing about Jay was that he could just as easily have been swerving to avoid a stray cat. One minute he was sweet and the next he was being a total shithead.

Emma was right about one thing; it really was good that I wasn't driving. Imagine me weaving all over the road as I bawled, snot hanging from my nose, while I tried to find something unJaylike on the radio. Kelly took one hand off the wheel to open his glove compartment and get me napkins to wipe my nose, then he took the nearest exit and pulled into a Tim Horton's where he and Emma got us coffee and replenished the napkin supply. I was feeling a little better by the time they got back to the car.

We were about half an hour from home when Spin finally called me.


	2. Chapter 2

Almost Like the Mafia

by TheBucketWoman

Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi, its characters or any of the multiple references I make herein.

A/N: Belated thanks to the awesome and prolific bsloths for beta services and for general overall brilliance. :)

Chapter Two

"What'd you find out?" I asked.

"He fell down some stairs," Spinner said. "He has a concussion and a dislocated shoulder. They're watching him. That's it."

"Okay," I said, taking a deep breath. "Okay, okay. Good. Well, not _good_, but..."

"Where are you," he said. He sounded a little suspicious.

"Where are _you_?"

"_I'm_ at work," Spin said. "Where the hell are _you_?"

"In my roomie's car," I said. "On Yonge Street."

"Manny."

"You knew I was coming," I said.

"Yeah," he said in defeat. "But I still think you're a dumbass."

"At least I'm consistent," I said. "I'm gonna want a milkshake, so I'll see you right after I see him."

"You know what he's gonna be like?"

"I have an idea," I said. "Unless there's something I need to know."

"Nope," Spinner said. "He was kinda sleepy and stupid when I saw him, but he could be back to normal by the time you get there. Just wanna make sure you remember what you gotta deal with."

After he hung up, I twisted in the seat to face Emma and tell her the news.

"Of course he's gonna be okay," she said. "He's Jay." I was grateful that she didn't compare him to a cockroach, the way she would have any other day. She also spared me the "I _told _you we didn't need to come all this way" speech, even though I knew it was running through her mind.

Kelly dropped us off to look for parking. He was hoping to avoid the hospital lot if he could because they charged more than his jeep was worth. We got in, got our visitor passes and found out where to go.

"I can't do it," I said, after we stepped off the elevator.

"Okay," Emma said turning back to catch the elevator again before the doors closed. "Let's go catch Kelly before he pays for parking."

"What?" I asked. She wasn't supposed to say that."You're not supposed to—"

"You _know_ you can do it, Manny," Emma said, turning around again. "I'm gonna wait over here." She pointed to some chairs connected to a little table with magazines.

I wasn't so sure I could do it. Now that I'd gotten the other stuff that worried me out of the way, I worried about actually having to see him.

He was leaning back against the bed. They had him propped up at an angle so that he didn't lay flat. His eyes were closed and a little bit puffy. But otherwise his face was perfect. He could have been sleeping through the worst of a hangover, if it weren't for the arm in a sling and the adjustable bed. And, you know, the hospital gown. It turned out that he wasn't asleep, though. He heard me come in and looked right at me.

"Hi?" I said.

I waited for him to say something back and for what felt like a week, he didn't. I thought, _are they sure it's just a concussion? Say something! Hellooooo. Are you hoping I'll go away? _

"Hey," he said.

_Do you know who I am?_ I thought, but didn't say.

"What's up?" he asked.

_What's __up__?_ I thought.

"Um, nothing much," I said. What could I say? "How're you _feeling_?" I'd already started to talk a little slower (and louder) because I wasn't sure he was following what I said.

"I'm in a _hospital_," he said.

"Yep," I said.

"I'm supposed to be getting time and a half right now," he said. He started to sit up.

"Jay," I said, holding my hands out like that was going to stop him. His shoulder seemed to do the job for me.

"Ow," he said.

"Jay?" I asked. There were questions that people were supposed to ask to make sure that a patient knew what was going on. I wracked my brain for ideas. "What day is it babe?"

"Huh?" he asked. He was looking at me like _I_ was the one confused. He didn't answer.

"What's my name?"

"What's the _matter_ with you?" he asked.

"Play along," I said. "What do you have to lose?"

"The couple of minutes that I'm never getting back," he said. He was smiling, like this was a joke. "But what the hell. _You_ are Manuela Santos, especially when you're in trouble. Now why are you asking me these questions?"

"Well, um," I said.

"Tony's on vacation," he said, pointing at me. I was getting worried that there was some serious misdiagnosis going on. And then he tried to sit up again. "And—_ow_," he said. "_Fuck_!"

"Baby, you have to stay there, okay?" I said. "Stay still."

He ran his good hand through his hair and hissed when he touched the sore spot. I saw the bump later.

"Why are you calling me baby?" he said. Good Question. Why _was_ I calling him baby? I told myself that that was just the way I talked to people when they were sick or hurt.

"Just try to relax," I said.

"No seriously," he asked. "Why're you here?"

"Jay," I said. "You're hurt. You need to be here."

"Yeah, I get that," he said. "But why are _you_ here? You're not supposed to be here. And you hate my guts."

"I don't hate your guts," I said.

"You're lying," he said. "I'm hopeless and you won't visit me in jail."

_Sure, __that__ he remembers_, I thought.

"That's not important right now," I said. "You got hurt; the hospital called me. I'm here. You fell down a flight of stairs."

"You were there?" he asked. "Sure you didn't push me?"

"No," I said. "The doctor told Spin when he was here."

"He was _here_," he said. I wasn't sure whether it was a question or not.

"Yeah," I said.

"I'm never gonna hear the end of this then," he said.

"Probably not," I said.

"So does your Daddy know you're playing hooky on his dime or what?"

"I'm at _university_, Jay," I reminded him. _Who do I have to sleep with in order to get this boy to stay on a subject?_ I thought.

"Yeah," he said, still looking at me like _I _was the one with the head injury, putting a strain on his infinite patience. "I _know_. It's one thing to ditch when it's free, Dimples, but he's payin'. Know what I'm sayin? Shit, '_payin/ know what I'm sayin?_' My head hurts."

"Just relax and worry about you for now, okay?" I said.

"Before you get locked in the tower," he said. I laughed and that made him chuckle a little until his head throbbed again and he said "ow," _again_.

"So you should probably be getting back before you get caught, _Man-uel-a_" he said.

"Please, all I have to do is drop _your _name and everything'll be fine," I said. "He might even send you a muffin basket."

"Yeah," he said. "Ground glass in it."

"No way, they totally miss you," I said. "When I said the engagement was off, Dad was like 'Oh Manuela, what did you do to chase this one away?'" I do an excellent impression of my father.

Jay didn't look convinced. Amused, maybe. Half asleep, definitely, but not convinced.

"Okay," I said. "He didn't say that, but I sure as hell didn't tell the 'rents _why_ we broke up, so visiting you in the hospital trumps missing a couple of classes. Don't even worry about it."

"And what happens if you don't bring home A's?"

"You really _did _hit your head," I said. He smiled. "If I showed my Dad A's, the shock would kill him. Now, why are we on the subject of me? Not that I don't like to talk about myself, but I'm trying to find out about _you_."

"What's to find out?"

Another good question. I could think of a few things I wanted to ask him, but I couldn't make myself ask them yet. "Um," I said.

"_Um_," he said. His eyes were closing, even as he made fun of me. He blinked hard to keep them open.

"May as well take a nap," I said.

"They're gonna wake me up again in an hour or two" he said.

"Short nap is better than no nap," I said. "You'd be surprised how good sleeping an hour or so between classes can feel."

"Don't people sleep _in_ class anymore?" he asked.

"Sleep in class?" I asked, like I'd never heard of such a thing. "Naah."

"Mmhmm," he said.

"No seriously," I said. "Emma would, like, air-horn me awake."

"Yeah, Greenpeace," he said. "How'd you get past _her_?"

"Huh?"

"To come here," he said. He was giving up on the whole staying awake thing. His eyes were closed.

"She didn't," Emma said, from the doorway behind me.

"Thought not," he said, one eye creeping open.

"How long were you standing there?"

"I got curious," she said shrugging. "I was just sorta waiting for the right moment to stick my nose in."

Jay snorted.

"What," Emma said. "That all you got? No 'never stopped you before, Greenpeace?'"

"Too easy," he said.

"Could say the same about you," she said. I would've put a stop to this, but they were having so much fun.

"So you gonna take her away?" he asked.

"If I thought she'd let me," she said.

"Never stopped you before, Greenpeace," he said. He looked at her through slitted eyes.

"Go to sleep already," she said rolling her eyes. "Before we send that male nurse with the sleeve tattoos to give you a spongebath. Manny's mom has connections. We can make that happen."

"My mom works in pediatrics," I said. "And she likes him, so if she really did have connections, she'd probably give him the hook up."

"And send a _girl_ with sleeve tattoos?" Emma asked. Jay smiled. It was about all he had left in him to do.

"And pierced everything," I said.

"Talk about your visions of sugarplums," Emma said.

It looked like he'd finally given up and fallen asleep.

I decided to test to see if he was really out. "You leave that nurse's sugarplums out of this," I said.

Nothing.

"Out like a light," Emma whispered. She nodded toward the door. I looked back at him and stuck out my lower lip. She pulled at my arm. Emma may look willowy, but the girl has some major kung fu grip on her.

"What the hell?"

"Let him sleep a while," Emma said. "You can come back and make some more goo goo eyes at him when visiting hours start up again."

"I wasn't making goo goo eyes at him," I said.

"Noo, not you," she said.

"Let she who is without goo goo eyes cast the first stone," I said.

"I have no idea what you're talking—" Emma began, but then we spotted the nurse with the sleeve tattoos at the reception desk. I thought she'd made him up.

I turned to look back at her.

"Okay," she said. "So you got me."

"Yep."

"No need to be smug about it," she said.

"But it's fun," I said. "So…Dot?"

"Dot," she said, nodding.

We took some time to locate Kelly. We eventually found him lurking around the comic book rack in the gift shop.

"You guys are done already?" he asked.

"For the moment," Emma said.

"Okay," Kelly said. "So?"

"So," I said. "Jay's off in Lala-land. Where the Demerol flows like milkshakes. Speaking of which, I'm hungry. You hungry?"

"Always," Kelly said. He led us outside and down the four blocks to the car. When we got there we decided it would be easier to leave the car where it was and walk to The Dot.


	3. Chapter 3

Almost Like the Mafia

by TheBucketWoman

Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi, its characters or any of the multiple references I make herein.

A/N 1: A little bit of language in here. Jay has a big mouth. So does Manny. Fair warning.

Chapter Three

"Jeez," Spinner said when he spotted us. "It's getting so that _anyone_ thinks they can walk in here."

I would have hugged him, but his hands were full of fried stuff. School had just let out, apparently and you just can't keep kids from their fries or mayhem ensues.

"Yo," Spinner called. "Holly J.! Pretend like we pay you for something!" He nodded toward an empty table and we took it. And to my ultimate shock, out comes Holly J. Sinclair in a Dot Grill shirt and an apron, telling Spinner not to get his panties in a bunch.

Emma and I smiled at her, mostly because you just don't piss off people who hold their food in your hands. Kelly didn't know her, so he smiled, too. And winked.

We ordered and she brought us our shakes and fries and stuff, and none of it smelled like sulfur, so we decided it was safe enough. Kelly flirted and Emma gave him the stink eye. Part of me wanted to bring up that hot male nurse again to remind Miss Emma not to throw stones. But I didn't.

We lingered over our shakes until the rush passed and Spinner could grab the empty seat for a second.

"So, you went to see him?" Spinner asked.

"Yep," I said.

He paused. "Well? Aren't you gonna say it?"

"Say what?"

"'Spinner, you were right. I should have listened to you and stayed in school and now I feel like a dumbass for driving all this way when I could have been doing whatever it is hot college girls do when they're not in class. Like studying in my underwear,'" he said.

"I wish," Kelly said. So me and Emma didn't know who to hit first. After a second, I hit Spin and she hit Kelly. They said "Ow" almost in harmony.

"I'm still waiting to hear it," Spinner said.

"Get used to waiting," I said.

"But you're going back now, right?" he asked. Kelly looked at me. Emma played with her straw and looked fatalistic.

"Riight?" Spinner asked.

"Well," I said. I turned to Emma and Kelly. "You guys can take off, if you want."

"Sh'yeah, that'll happen," Emma said. "Someone needs to make sure you get your ass back to school by Monday at least." Kelly nodded.

"Where're you guys gonna _stay_?" Spinner asked. I knew there was something I forgot to think of. Emma and I had homes to go to, but neither of us had really told our parents about Kelly. We'd mentioned a roommate named Kelly, but we left out certain specifics that I think would lead to some major high blood pressure for Dad and Snake. Emma and I gave Spinner puppy eyes.

"No," he said.

"One night?" I asked.

"It'd be one thing if I lived alone," he said.

"Your Mom loves company," Emma said. It was true. She seemed to like fussing over all of Spin's friends, probably out of relief that he has some. There were a few months there where he really didn't have any. "And Kelly is the best roommate ever. I bet he leaves your room cleaner than he finds it."

"Guys," Kelly said. "How bout I just go back, and then come get you on Sunday?"

Emma and I pouted. Spinner rolled his eyes.

"I'll call my Mom," he said, giving up. "If she's okay, I'm okay."

"You're the best!" I said in total relief.

"You better believe I am," Spinner said.

Kelly thanked him in advance, and started asking questions about Jay. "I've heard so much...stuff on the way over here that I really feel like I need to get a look at him, you know?"

"To see if you can find the mark of the beast?" Spinner asked. "Jay gets that a lot."

"Spin?" I asked. "I think table five needs a refill on their coffee."

"This _is _table five," he said. He stole one of my fries. "So there's no getting rid of you, huh?"

"Nope," I said.

"Guess not," Emma said.

"What are you even waiting around for?" he asked.

"Well…" I said. "Um…Hell if I know. I just wanna make sure he's okay."

"I thought that's what you were doing today?" Spinner said.

"Yeah" I said. "It was. But he's not okay yet. So I'm gonna stay a couple days, make sure he's settled back at his place."

"Uh-huh," Spinner said. "Manny. I'm one of his two best friends, so you should really listen when I say that you need to go back to school. I can check on him. Jane can check on him. Even Holly J. can check on him. You have nothing to worry about and you don't need to stay."

"Well, jeez, what are you trying to say, Spin?" I asked. "Don't hold back now."

"You think you're gonna go hang out at his place and be all Florence Henderson—," he said.

"_Nightingale_, Spin," Emma said."Florence Nightingale."

"Whatever," Spinner said. " If you think you're gonna be all nursey and _then_ go back to school, you're crazy. Because I'm not gonna be stuck dealing with his drunken gooey ass when you leave him all depressed. _Again_."

"I...what?" I said. "First of all, I am not the one who screwed things up."

"I know," Spinner said.

"What kind of person do you think I am?"

"One who forgot how fast Jay can get his hopes up?" Spinner asked.

Derek Haig wondered aloud who he'd have to perform sexual favors for to get his damn curly fries.

"Ew," Emma whispered.

"Keep your pants on," Spinner said. "_Please_. Seriously, we can't have the cops come again." He took off for the kitchen.

I looked at Emma. She gave me the eyebrow and then did the unthinkable and agreed with Spinner.

"Do you remember those little toy koala bears that we used to put on our backpacks?" she asked. "They had pinchy arms and they held on to the strap and if you put them on your finger they cut off your circulation?"

"Em," I said, knowing where she was going with this.

"Don't Em me," she said. "He's gonna go all clingy koala on you. Are you ready for that?"

"Who _is_ this guy?" Kelly asked again.

It's not like I'd thought any of this out or anything. I remembered panicking and throwing him out of the car on that first trip to Smithdale because in his mind we already had several kids, a dog, and a minivan, and in my mind I was friggin' _eighteen_. There was just so much _need_ in him. Not that I wasn't used to that. Not that I was in a position to throw stones. But all the need, coupled with his thing for illegal activities, became too much for me. And now I was half about to jump back into the mess. And Spin was right (Shut up, he's right a lot of the time lately,) Jay had only recently given up on stalking me by cell phone; giving him false hope about us would be mean.

So I figured that it'd be a good time to be more organized. My first move involved going home and facing my Dad. Then, I figured, I'd have time to come up with a way to define terms with Jay, so that he knew from the get-go that I was his _friend_, nothing more.

Both Emma and Kelly waited outside my apartment for me. Emma was willing to step in if she needed to, but Dad was still on his "you're an adult, Manuela," kick. He just let me know that if I flunked, I was on my own. Then he asked about Jay.

"He'll live," I said.

"Your mother might look in on him, sneak him some _pan de coco_," he said. That was one of the main reasons, the 'rents liked Jay. He liked Mom's cooking. He ate everything they put in front of him, even the stuff I wouldn't.

"So when do you go back?" Dad asked.

"I thought I'd check on him tonight," I said, looking at my watch. It was getting kind of late.

"No, Manuela, when do you go back to that school I'm paying so much for?" he asked.

"Oh," I said. I had no freakin idea, but I had to tell him something. "Probably tomorrow."

Who was I kidding with that? I don't know.

He raised an eyebrow.

"No later than Sunday," I said. "I have the laptop with me and…" here I crossed my fingers behind my back. "…I've already emailed my professors about what's going on, so it'll be okay."

"Well," Dad said. "As long as you know what you're doing." He still managed to put so much menace into stuff like that. I could tell that in his mind, he practically had me living on the streets already, fighting people over cardboard boxes.

"I do," I lied.

Mom insisted on feeding me and Emma before we went back, and by the time we got a minute to ourselves to call Kelly, Spin picked up and told Emma that Kelly was crashed on the couch.

"It's only, like, eight," Emma said. She listened for a second. "Well, okay. Thanks again."

"Mrs. Mason's meatloaf," Emma said by way of explanation after she hung up. I pictured Kelly in a food coma, covered in one of those really cozy fleece blankets.

Truth be told, we both felt pretty sleepy ourselves, so we decided to visit Jay in the morning. I tried calling him, and he didn't pick up, so I assumed he was asleep.

The next morning, when we got back to the hospital to see him, Jay felt more like himself.

"Shit," he said when he saw me. I noticed that the other bed was still empty. That was a good thing. I didn't much feel like talking to Jay with someone else pretending to be asleep a few feet away.

"Good morning, Manny, so happy to see you again," I said. He ignored me.

"What are you still doing here?"

"Visiting my highly ungrateful ex," I said.

"Did you want a medal for that?"

"In your experience, do good things come from being pissy to me?" I asked.

"What do you want from me?" he asked. It was my day to field questions I didn't have an answer to.

"Why don't you tell me what happened?" I asked, trying to change the subject.

"I have no idea what happened," he said.

"What's the last thing you remember?"

"Excuse me?" he said. "Last time I checked you were a theater major. Unless I took a _really_ good knock on the head and missed about ten years, you ain't my doctor."

_At least he didn't ask if I played one on TV_, I thought.

"Just answer the question meathead," I said. "You have anything better to do? Anything on TV?" I gestured at the TV bracketed to the wall.

He gave me that "you're trying my patience" look again, but then he sighed and said. "I dunno. Last thing I remember is some prep school geek asking if we could pimp his ride. He was driving a freakin butt-ugly Chevy that was older than God."

I smiled. "And when was that?"

"Um," he said. "Today's Thursday?"

"Yeah."

"Might've been Monday," he said. "I was supposed to have that beamer done for today."

"Who gives a damn about the beamer?"

"The dude who was paying me to do a ring and valve and replace the timing belt?" he said.

"He'll just have to take the bus," I said. "It's more environmentally responsible, anyway."

"You're _rooming_ with the Eco-Nazi, aren't you?"

"How could you tell?" I said. "And you know you kinda missed having her around, too, admit it."

He shook his head, but he couldn't fool me.

"I am so screwed," he said. In retrospect, I realized he wasn't talking about what I thought he was talking about, but at the time, I assumed he was talking about work.

"You are _not_," I said. Tony, his boss, really didn't seem the type to ditch him for missing a couple days. And he was union. As far as I understood it, Tony couldn't fire him for this if he wanted to.

"Couple _days_?" Jay said when I told him so. "Try weeks."

"He'll put you in the office," I said. "He's done it before, so stop acting like this is the end of the world. Even though I know you hate doing the books."

"I really do," he said. "And what _office_? The little cubbyhole of doom in the back?"

"That's the one," I said. "It's cozy. We'll get you a troll doll to keep you company." _Or a koala_, I thought.

"I think I need some more drugs," he said.

"Don't we all," I said. "Do you know when you're getting out of here?"

"Later today," he said.

"What time?" I asked.

"Manny, go back to school," he said.

"You know you don't want me to go back," I said. If he had, I figured, he would have done a better job in trying to alienate me the night before. Even though he had been concussed and woozy.

"I wouldn't tell you to go back to school if I didn't want you to go back to school," Jay said.

"I'm _going_ to go back, silly," I said. "After I'm satisfied that you're safe and have food that isn't condensed from a can."

"I'll order takeout," he said.

"Okay," I said. "Then you can get dizzy and fall down on the way to the door. Mess your shoulder up worse. Probably hit your head again and die."

He gave me a "cut the crap" look, but we both knew I was right and Jay Hogart has very strong self-preservation instincts.

"It's not like _you're_ gonna cook," Jay said, but he was weakening.

"I can have my Mom help," I sing-songed. "If you're good, that is, and stop arguing with me about whether I'm staying because you're stuck with me visiting through the weekend." It was like this stuff was coming out of my mouth without my permission. It seemed to make it official. I was ready to let the clinging begin.

"If you're bad, though," I continued. "I might have to go to Emma's and borrow one of their vegan cookbooks."

There was a knock on the open door and we both looked up.

"Hey," Kelly said. "I'm going to the caff; I 'm just seeing if you guys want anything."

"Coffeeeee," I said. Kelly stood in the doorway and openly stared at Jay trying to get his mental picture to match up with reality. Jay looked at me for an explanation.

"Kelly, this is Jay," I said. "Jay-Kelly. Kelly was kind enough to give me and Green—Um, _Emma _a ride over here last night."

Kelly put out his hand to shake but when Jay didn't put _his_ hand out, turned it into a little wave. Jay looked from Kelly to me and smirked.

"Yeah, so," Kelly said. "Nice meeting you, Jay. Want some coffee, or a donut?"

Jay shook his head. Part of me wanted to remind him about manners.

"Hurry back," I said. Kelly usually at least gives me a peck on the cheek, but he patted me on the head and beat it out of the room. I watched him speedwalk to the elevator.

"Who is _that_?" Jay asked, still smirking.

"I told you," I said. "It's Kelly."

"And I'll bet he just hangs around waiting to drive you places, huh?"

"He's our roommate," I said.

"Your _what_? Are you Janet or Chrissy?" Jay asked.

"Do you even need to ask?" I asked. I am _so_ the Chrissy. "Emma and Liberty take turns being Janet."

"I think I had a dream like that once," Jay said.

"Ew."

"_You_ should talk," he said. He, thankfully didn't say any more but I knew what he was thinking. I should never have told him about the Zack-Slater dream. This is what comes of watching TV while I'm a little drunk.

"So are you sure you don't wanna go get back to your pretty blond? And Greenpeace?" Jay said.

"The pretty blonds usually keep each _other_ busy," I said. "Bet you when they go back today, they'll try to bribe Liberty to get lost so they could have the room to themselves."

"Push the twin beds together?"

"Nope," I said. "Bunk beds."

Jay chuckled again, and winced. "You really need to stop making me laugh."

"That'll happen," I said.

He looked at me for a minute, then he got all serious.

"Why?" he asked.

"Why what?"

"Why are you here?" he asked. "And before you call for the nurse, I _know_ I asked you that before."

"Then why're you asking again?" I asked.

"Because you didn't really answer me?" he said. "I mean, I know the hospital called you, but I don't know why you bothered to come."

"Yours is 'not to question why,'" I said. "Yours is 'but to do and die.'" Ms. Kwan would hate me for doing that to Tennyson, I was sure.

"What?" he asked. "What the hell kinda answer is that? You gonna feed me limericks next?"

"I don't know," I said. "I got the voicemail from the hospital. And I just...freaked. Because you know how hospitals don't really tell you anything over the phone and I didn't know what happened or how you were, and I was scared, okay?"

Again, it looked like he was weakening. His forehead crinkled up, then smoothed out before crinkling up again, like he didn't know what to do with himself.

"Well," he began. "Get the fuck over it. When Jack Tripper gets back here with the coffee, you can tell him to take you back to school."

"Jay."

"I don't need this," he said. "I don't need you here, giving me those cow eyes—"

"You don't need this," I said. "_You. _Don't need this."

Then it was like I was talking to the air. "He actually said he doesn't need this!"

Then it was back to him. "If anyone d_oesn't need this_, it's me. I will have you know that I had my shit at least semi-together for the first time. I was settled in, doing okay in my classes. Having a good time, even."

"Don't let me stop you from getting back to that," he said.

"Too late," I said. "I'm already here. My schedule is already good and disrupted."

"My heart bleeds."

"Shut it," I said. "The fact is, I could've stayed at school. I could have just called Spin to make sure that you were still alive and then forgotten all about you, but I didn't."

"Still angling for that medal," Jay said.

"I said shut it," I said. "I didn't ignore the call. Wanna know why?"

"Because you're the reincarnation of Mother Theresa."

"Because you're one of the maybe five people besides my parents that I'd do that for," I said. "So don't be going on about how _you_ don't need this, because you got it and you're stuck with it. Merry Fucking Christmas." I shut him up with that, but the moment of victory was ruined by sleeve tattoos! nurse coming in.

"You do realize that this is a hospital, right?" he asked. He didn't seem like he was about to throw me out, thank goodness. He actually seemed amused, like he'd been listening. Not that it was hard to hear my side of it.

"I'm sorry," I said. "Got a little carried away."

"Okay," he said. "Just try to keep in mind that sick people like it quiet. Got it?"

"Uh-huh," I said, looking appropriately guilty. The nurse asked Jay if he needed anything and when Jay said no, he left.

Any other day, Jay would be laughing at me because I just got yelled at. But there he was, lying propped on the bed, looking toward the windows to avoid looking at me. So I walked to the windows. He turned his head the other way. It was still hard for him to move much more than that. His shoulder still looked like it hurt a lot. This was the only reason I didn't perch on the bed next to him. Instead I let it be known that I could do this as long as he could.

"Manny," he said, squinching his eyes shut in annoyance.

"Yes?" I singsonged.

"Are you getting off on this?"

"On what?"

"Torturing me?" Jay asked.

"Yes, Jay," I said. "I'm having a blast right now. Woohoo."

He said nothing and continued to avoid looking at me. If he could have crossed his arms he would have. I knew I needed to say something to reduce the mess I was making.

"Jay," I began. "This is what's going on. We're always going to mean something to each other. We're friends, okay?"

"Heh."

"I'm always going to care about you," I said. His eyes narrowed at this, like he was trying to burn a hole in the plastic footboard of the hospital bed.

And it was like I was telling the truth, I really was. In my mind, the script was running along, about a sentence ahead of what was coming out of my mouth.

_So yeah, Jay, we're bonded,_ I thought. _And everyone and their brother warned me to stay away from you because it wasn't fair to you, but I couldn't stay away because I care so much. But it's not like we can get back together because...because..._

And my mouth had time to catch up to my brain because my brain stalled, like a flooded engine.

"Because," I was saying.

At least he was looking at me again.

"Liar, criminal, can't be trusted," he prompted.

"Spinner would trust you with his life," I said.

"That's _his _problem," Jay said.

"And before the...incident with the ring, you'd actually kept your nose clean for a while, didn't you? Not counting the incident with the tow truck, that is," I said. _Kept your nose clean?_ I thought. It was a Simpson-ism. And there were other things besides the tow truck thing that I knew about but didn't count, such as getting weed for Spinner when he was doing his chemo. But on the whole, I thought he was doing okay.

"Yeah," he said.

"I meant what I said when I told you that you weren't the same criminal you used to be," I said. "You could stand to cut back on the lying, though."

"Only you would say something like that," he said.

"I'm a realist," I said. "But we're talking about you. Now where was I?"

"Maybe, kinda, sorta, lie a little bit less," he said.

I let that go, but I felt my mouth quirking up all on its own. "And if you took maybe five minutes to think before you did things..."

"Uh-uh," he said. "Premeditation. Adds years to your sentence."

"Why couldn't you be in here for tonsillitis or something, so I could have a shot at getting a full sentence out?"

"That was a full sentence," he said. "And a long one."

"Way to miss the point."

"Missing the point and ignoring it are two different things," Jay said.

"Well, I guess all this talky-talky means that you're not mad at me anymore," I said.

He glared. "I was never mad at you. It's not that easy to get mad at you. That's part of the problem."

"Oh, okay," I said. "So all that growling just now was what, persiflage?"

"_What_?"

"Banter," I said. "Flirting. Cuteness."

"Yup," he said. "That's what it was, Dimp—"

"What was that?"

"Manuela," he said.

"Ooh, somebody's in trouble," a voice singsonged from the doorway. I jumped and put a hand over my heart, and after I took a deep breath and opened my eyes, I saw Jane trying not to laugh at me.

"Sup?" she said. "Manuela."

"Same old, same old," I said. "_Anastasia_." Jay snorted behind me.

Jane shrugged, like she knew she'd walked into that one.

"So what're _you_ doing here?" Jay asked Jane.

"I've been sent to give you a ride home," she said. "Spin's on shift until five, so..."

"He lets you drive his car?" I asked. Spinner never let _me_ drive.

"He insists," Jane said. "Because I usually clean it."

Jay made a whipcracking gesture with his good hand.

Jane shrugged again, not trying to deny anything.

"And you don't have school?" I asked.

"Well, ya know," Jane said. "I might have called in and said something about a family emergency."

"Family emergency," Jay snorted.

"Yeah," Jane said. "I have this pain in the ass brother-in-law who mooches from the fridge and sleeps on our couch. It's like _Grounded for Life_, without all the kids."

I wanted to hug Jane so bad.

"And this is for you." She opened the plastic bag she was carrying and pulled out some sweatpants, a button down shirt, and one of Spinner's jackets.

"Sorry to say, looks like you're gonna be commando," Jane said. "But I didn't think you wanted to borrow Spin's drawers, you know?"

She just _had_ to say commando, didn't she? I tried to be cool, with the words "commando" and "sweatpants" running through my head.

"So he's probably not gonna want those back," Jane said.

"What do you say?" Jane singsonged, after he was quiet for a second.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome," she said. "You're gonna need a little help with those, so, BRB." She grabbed my arm and dragged me out with her. She got the attention of the tattooed nurse and got him to send someone in to help Jay get dressed because, as I noticed right then, checkout time was in an hour.

While we waited, Jane led me to some chairs near the elevator. The tail end of a Law and Order: SVU rerun was playing on a TV mounted to the wall and Emma and Kelly were absorbed in it.

"Forget something?" I asked Kelly.

"Naw, here ya go," he said, handing me my coffee without taking his eyes off the screen. It was lukewarm.

"You guys meet?" I asked Jane, gesturing between her and Kelly.

"Sorta," Jane said. "Not that I think he'll recognize me later."

"Ha-ha," Kelly said. "Now stop making me miss Munch."

When the show ended, Emma asked me how Jay was doing.

"Well," I said. "His vocal cords are in _perfect_ working order." Emma and Jane laughed.

"He tried to chase me off," I said. "It didn't work. He made it very difficult, but we had a conversation."

"And you wished him a Merry Christmas," Emma said.

"You heard that, huh?" I asked.

"People in Bangladesh heard that," Emma said. I was horrified.

"I'm kidding," she said. "I was walking by on the way back from the bathroom. But what's the status?"

"Status?"

"Are you getting back with him or what?" Emma asked.

"What?" I asked. "No!"

"So you didn't call him cute and he didn't have to stop himself from calling you Dimples?" Jane asked.

"I did not call him cute!" I said. "Just his...persiflage."

Emma choked on her coffee. As if Liberty had never used that word around her.

"So what's going on now?" Kelly asked.

"We just got a nurse's assistant to go help Jay cover up his persiflage so he can check out," Jane said. I tried my best to kill her before any medical personnel could pass by. She grabbed both of my wrists and held me off like I was a frisky kitten. This is one strong girl.

"Crap," I said, giving up the struggle as I thought of something.

"What?" Emma asked.

"I just realized that we didn't resolve anything," I said. "We just went in circles."

"How so?" Emma asked.

"I tried to, um, define the relationship," I said. "But..."

"The definition changed?" Emma asked.

"Ooh, good one," Jane said.

"Oh my God," I said, putting my head in my hands.

TBC

A/N 2: Mille grazie to the always excellent mistress of multifandoms, bsloths, for beta service and character discussions!

:-D


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